I
think most of the time life is hard. Life can be very unforgiving. Then
a saw a link to day on Facebook that made me re-think that perspective.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/tamara-star/7-habit-of-chronically-unhappy-people_b_6174000.html?ncid=fcbklnkushpmg00000063
Recently, I've been putting time and effort into creating Me 2.0. I'm trying to drop some weight and I'm trying to get my financial house in order. I really don't like a number of aspects about myself and i really need to get to a a place where I do. My have found myself wanting more of a feeling of security in my life and the knowledge that i can give that to myself. Ive never felt secure, or content, even when i was younger. Nothing ever felt safe enough. So I looked to those around me to give me that feeling that i wasn't able to produce myself. this had, as you can imagine, disastrous results most of the time. I was in relationships with the wrong people for the wrong reasons, and I tended to listen to who was loudest. Loud and burly meant safe in my book. Yeah, you can see how well that went. Trying to get those parts of myself I didn't know how to find from elsewhere never works. It gives the other person too much authority over you. But still I looked to others, who seemed to have that certain something I craved. I mimicked their choices to see if I could mirror those results. Nope, didn't work either. guess that means if I really want to be happy, I'm going to have to find that something in me that's been trying to be heard all this time. At least now I know its there. I just need to figure out how to get it out. This means if a person is being critical, its my choice to not engage. Just cause they say it doesn't mean its true. I want to like me. So I need to make choices that feel good to my heart. I need to make choices that fall into line with who I think I could be. Maybe I'm starting to think its OK if people don't agree with me. I don't know where i ever thought that was mandatory anyway. Thinking that way actually sounds kind of silly if you say it out loud.
